Wedding Etiquette – Do I have to buy both a bridal shower and wedding gift?
by william on Friday, July 9th, 2010 | 11 Comments
I am a bridesmaid in an upcoming wedding. So far I have had to spend about $600-$800 between throwing the bridal shower, the bachelorette and getting what we need for the wedding. I spent $75 on my gift for the bridal shower. Am I still supposed to buy a gift for the wedding too? Me and My mom are arguing over this.
According to proper etiquette the answer is “yes”. Outside of that, the answer is that you don’t HAVE to do anything.
Yah fraid so. Get something less expensive but still sentimental. A crystal vase. Pretty candles.
etiquette says yes. often the attendants give a joint gift for the wedding. That’s why I don’t like bridal showers.
Yes. You should get a gift for the wedding as well. I know it’s not fair and sooo expensive, but hopefully you won’t have to be maid of honor again! (I’m assuming you are considering the fact that you paid for the bachelorette and bridesmaid party.) You can get something small and meaningful. You could get a set of bath linens and monogram them. It really doesn’t have to be big.
Lots of people say yes, but I have been to tons of weddings and showers and no one bought two gifts unless the bridal shower was a lingerie shower.
Yes, you should buy them a gift for the wedding also.
Yes, you do. Isn’t it annoying? You don’t have to spend a king’s ransom, you’ve spent enough already. Get the bride and groom something very personal, like, say, a silver frame with their wedding date engraved on it (you can probably find a nice one at a discount house for not too much, and get it engraved at a mall jeweler).
The bride ought to be giving you a gift as well, for serving as a bridesmaid, assuming she follows tradition.
Good luck, hang in there. It ain’t cheap!
No, these answers saying etiquette says you must bring a wedding gift are incorrect. Wedding etiquette has always been very clearcut on this, and you do not have to. Obviously, most people do, but that’s tradition, not etiquette.
Since you’re a bridesmaid, I do think you should get something, even if it’s a bottle of wine on sale. Parts of this you brought on yourself, to be honest, by not putting the brakes on a bit sooner, but there’s nothing wrong with an inxpensive gift, especially after what you’ve already done.
Since you’re throwing the bridal shower, i’m sure the bride will understand if you only get a wedding gift for her. If you want to get both gifts, I would give something small for one of the gifts, like towels!
Being a bridesmaid is a HUGE gift. Giving something to mark the day of the wedding would be nice- but it could be a card and a framed photo from the shower, or a journal, something really simple and inexpensive. You are not expected to get them a toaster lol. I do know that one friend was disappointed when her bridesmaids took her literally when she said she didn’t expect a wedding gift- I think she’d been hoping for just a card. It really is the thought here, not the gift.
Unfortunately yes. It doesn’t have to be expensive, get them a gift card to wherever they may be registered.
Or even try a wedding picture frame with their names & wedding date engraved on it. (http://www.thingsremembered.com plug).
I was in my brothers wedding and in the same boat as you. I paid for the whole bridal shower (food, gifts, decorations, invites), bought them a bridal shower gift after that I there was the bachelorette party, but some of the other bridesmaids actually chipped in on that (it was cheaper). Then I had the wedding, bought my dress, my hair, nails, shoes, etc (as expected as being a bridesmaid), and then a wedding gift!
I was the only bridesmaid who was gainfully employed and didn’t need to ask a spouse for money so I financed most “events” prior to the wedding.
I know a lot of brides say they don’t like picture frames as gifts, as they would like to pick out their own decorations for their home & what not. But the frame I got them was the nicest gift they got (that wasn’t cash or a gift card) and its the only gift they still have displayed in their house of the gifts they got at their wedding. The frame was about $50.